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우린 할 말이 없습니다
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- 전진
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“그렇다면 선생님 집의 아이들은 어떻게 하고 있습니까?” 부모들, 특히 형편이 좋지 않은 서민 부모들을 상대로 한 교육 강연을 하면 꼭 나오는 질문이다. 겸연쩍음을 무릅쓰고 그런 질문을 하는 사람의 눈엔 또박또박 적혀 있다. ‘당신네들 보수교육 시장주의 교육 욕하고 진보교육을 떠들지만 자기 아이는 일찌감치 외국에 보내거나 적어도 특목고는 보내지. 순진하게 당신네들 말만 믿고 고민하는 사람들만 바보지.’ 종종 받는 메일의 내용이기도 하다.
나는 대답한다. 열여덟 살 딸과 열다섯 살 아들이 있는데 현재 학교에 다니지 않는다, 아이들과 어릴 적부터 교육문제에 대해 대화해왔고 선택은 아이들이 해왔다, 내 역할은 아이들이 최선의 선택을 할 수 있는 정보와 식견을 마련하는 것이다, 아이들은 대학입시 공부 대신 제 삶에 필요한 공부를 하며 잘 지내고 있다, 등등. 담담하게 대답하지만 마음은 불편하기 이를 데 없다. ‘조중동이나 이런 데서 교육문제 가지고 강남좌파니 진보의 이중성이니 떠들어대는데 다 거짓말입니다’라고 말하고 싶지만 그럴 수도 없다.
김대중 정권이 신자유주의 개혁을 본격화한 후, 한국 교육은 ‘어떤 인간으로 키우는가’가 아니라 ‘얼마짜리 인간으로 키우는가’로 완전히 선회했다. 교육은 모든 아이가 모든 아이들을 상대로 벌이는 전쟁이다. 승리의 비결은 부모의 자본 혹은 문화자본이다. 보수적인 부자 부모는 막강한 자본력과 승리의 상관관계를, 진보 인텔리 부모들은 전투를 수행하기 무난한 자본과 최적의 문화자본을 활용한다. 타고난 공부 천재가 아닌 이상 돈도 문화자본도 없는 서민 부모의 아이가 그 아이들을 이길 방법은 없다.
서민 부모들의 울분은 진보 인텔리들이 아이를 외국에 보내거나 특목고 보내는 것 자체가 아니라 ‘기회의 정의’와 관련한 것이다. 기회를 가진 사람들이 기회를 마음껏 누리면서 기회의 정의를 말할 때 기회가 차단된 사람들은 울분을 느끼게 마련이다. ‘모든 게 이명박 때문이니 정권교체로 해결하자’고 설레발을 쳐도 이 야만적인 교육 현실이 이명박의 창작품이 아니라는 건 더 이상 비밀이 아니다. 최근 그들이 비난해 마지않는 서남표란 사람을 발탁한 것도 이명박이 아니라 ‘진보 대통령’ 노무현이었다.
대체 진보란 무엇일까. 나에게 주어진 기회를 알뜰하게 챙기면서 기회의 정의를 외치는 걸까? 진보란 기회를 가진 사람들이 기회에서 차단된 사람들과 함께 기회의 속도를 제어하며 기회의 정의를 구현해가는 행진 아닐까? 그리고 그런 기회와 속도의 자발적 제어가 내 아이를 희생시키는 게 아니라, 내 아이에게 무엇과도 바꿀 수 없는 소중한 교육이 된다는 믿음 아닐까?
“불안하진 않으세요?” “그런 용기는 좌파적 신념에서 나오나요?” 질문은 이어지고 나는 역시 담담하게 대답한다. “아이가 행복하길 바랍니다. 그런데 아이가 나중에 행복하려면 지금 행복해야 합니다. 행복도 공부거든요. 세월이 흘러 어느 날 아이를 보며 ‘괜찮은 인간이야’ 혼잣말할 수 있다면 참 좋겠습니다. 남들은 다 부러워하는데 내가 보기엔 그리 좋은 인간이 아니라면 참 슬플 겁니다. 내가 지금 ‘아닌 건 아니다’라고 행동하면 전자의 가능성이 높아지고 ‘아니지만 현실이 어쩔 수 없다’고 행동하면 후자의 가능성이 높아집니다. 불안할 것도 없고 대단한 용기가 필요한 일도 아닙니다.’
질문한 부모들의 얼굴에 비로소 안도의 미소가 피어오르고 나는 기도하듯 남은 말을 삼킨다. ‘우리는 10~20대 사망원인 1위가 자살인 사회의 몹쓸 부모들입니다. 우린 아이들에게 할 말이 없습니다.’
김규항 <고래가 그랬어> 발행인
기사등록 : 2011-04-13 오후 08:06:12
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